Hello new follower. Welcome to tango. This post is designed to share some initial thoughts for the follower who has been taking lessons for perhaps a few months and now wants to go to their first milonga..

1) Keep your expectations low. Unless you arrive with friends or know people, it could be a slow night. Many milongas have more women than men. Experienced followers likely already know many of the good leaders.

2) If there is a pre-milonga class, take it. You will learn something and get a chance to meet some of the other newer dancers. You can share this early adventure with them. Be social with everyone.

3) Be aware of the visual invitation technique known as cabaceo. Not all communities use this but it is my observation that the more experienced dancers use cabaceo to get their dances. If you notice that most everyone uses cabaceo but there is one guy who doesn’t but just walks up to ladies and holds his hand out, it is possible that he is not that good.

4) Here are some specific first night thoughts:

a) don’t panic.

b) be a comfortable partner

c) if you feel a lead or a movement from your partner, go with. Move your body. If you expect him to move your body, it will likely be uncomfortable for both of you.

d) don’t worry about “getting it right”. just do your best. Good leaders will adjust to movements that didn’t end up where they thought they would be (notice I didn’t use the word “mistake”. neither should you.)

SPECIAL NOTES:

1) When in doubt, just do what you think has been led as if that is what was led. It is the leader’s responsibility to adjust. Trust yourself and move.

2) The tango world has its own etiquette and customs. The first one you should study is mirada. I wil llet you look that up as there are many resources for that. I will just emphasize that mirada and cabaceo are elegant practices that empower the follower to control with whom she dances.

3) Personal safety and self care are of tantamount importance. Tango is a very personal dance. We embrace each other and a lot of our bodies are in contact. It creates an intimacy that can send mixed signals. Also, since the leader is primarily in control of the geometry of the couple, the follower can be at a physical disadvantage. There are some men who will try to use this advantage for disrespectful purposes. I don’t need to define them for you. If they feel uncomfortable to you, that is all that matters.

Here’s how you take care of yourself.

Just say “Thank you.”

and then walk away.

That is the tango etiquette. If the leader runs you into tables or other couples. If he holds you in an uncomfortable way or otherwise makes you feel uneasy, that is all that matters.

Take care of yourself.

Just say, “Thank you” and walk away.

I have been in Buenos Aires a couple of times and have traveled a fair amount in the US. Tandas are dropped frequently.

You are not being a bitch. You are not the one being rude.

Take care of yourself.

If someone is particularly creepy or worse, tell a friend, tell the organizer. Tell someone.

Take care of yourself.

I gave the day 1 leader some personal hygiene advice, but ladies tend not to need that ;)

With these ideas, hopefully you will be able to have a comfortable first night that can set the stage for future adventures. Good luck!